Day Twenty Seven plus Two - bas

In this body are seers and sages, all the stars and planets as well. There are sacred pilgrimages, shrines, and presiding deities of the shrines. The sun and the moon also move in it. Ether, air, fire, water, and earth are also there. All the beings that exist are also to be found in the body. He who knows all this is a yogi.

Shiva Samhita

It seems everything will eventually find it's way to completion, that point just before the spiral turn of the "next" creation. For me there's a sense of stillness that comes with recognizing the perfection of enough. Enough done, enough said. In India there is a word for that - bas. People say this when they feel satisfied with a conversation and are ready to move on to something else.

I'd been hoping for that still moment to occur on Solstice (Day 27). And only overshot by a little.

On Solstice Day I headed outside before dawn, barefoot again, looking for Venus and Mars. It was clear, so I could see them. Steady. I know they're there even when can't see them, but I sure feel comforted to be able to.

My practice for Day 27 was to get ready for the gathering and Yule log. In addition to the also important mundane tasks of setting up the house and preparing food, drink, and music mixes, I took a bath and did an NVC meditation/reflection/reading.

On Solstice night we gathered up with friends, shared the evening together, and wrote down anything we wanted to let go of or bring in, or both - the harvest of our hearts -fastening them to the Yule log with toothpicks. At 10:08 pm, the log went in the fire, to the sound of drums and Om shanti.... Peace.

My intention - about what did I let the arrow fly? Heneni presence.

It was work to get there. Valuable work, though, like turning soil for a garden. And work since then, cleaning the tools, putting things away, and soothing my body.

And the blizzard of Christmas is still swirling, although for me, it's more like a little flurry. Got together for precious time with my precious daughters yesterday, for pedicures and cookie baking, and gift giving and receiving. Really making an effort to carve out that space just for us, in the face of the fullness of our lives, and relationships.

Awakened to my jackal demons this morning - the itty bitty s----y committee. They've been concerned about how I came out and sang in front of (and about) God and everyone at Solstice, and how some people might think I'm a witch...and then how, as we sat around the cookie decorating table last night, I gave in to an intense conversation about poetry and peace with my daughter's boyfriend and didn't decorate any cookies, and also didn't get the fudge made, and is it enough? and how do everyone's needs get met? and should I apologize and ...? Spinning like that.

Lying in bed with these demons only encourages them, so I decided to get up, even though it was only 6:00 a.m. on Sunday I wanted to stop spinning. Remembering something my daughter had shared yesterday about changing things up - like listening to the music of a mood you're not in may shift you - I walked outside to see Venus and Mars, but wore shoes and took Theo along. There were Mars and Venus, their positions slightly, yet notably, shifted as they continue to rotate through their rhythms. We walked further out (shoes helped...), and through bare trees, I could see the moon setting - large, low, and full, and way to the north - a Solstice moon.

One of our neighbors had come out to have a cigarette in the predawn dark. He was standing with his back to this moon, only a few steps and a simple turn from seeing it. As I walked by, I couldn't resist telling him, and he said he had seen it's reflection in the window across from him. Then he stepped over and took a look. As I walked away I noticed how I'm wearing my fuzzy sleeping sweatshirt with the hood up, and a long sweater over that, but not long enough to cover my red flannel dragon jammies, and pointing out the moon like it's some kind of precious treasure (which it is) and like I'm some kind of suburban witch (which I am). But he did look at it.

The moon was full when I began this self prescribed "27 day" journey. And it will be full perfect- purna -full again today at 5:16 pm PST at 1 Cancer/Capricorn on Sun 12/23. What do the Sabian symbols suggest? An Indian chief demanding recognition and a furled and an unfurled flag displayed from a vessel. What this moon says to me is that, yes, there is a steady knowing of how things are, and who I am, yet the expressions of that are choices I make all the time, and as varied as the colors of my imagination.

On Solstice, a friend asked me now what? about my practice. My reply was more of the same. Which is always different. And you know, after looking at the silver of that Solstice moon, I could easily and clearly see the red of twinkling Mars.

And now, I can feel the still point.

Bas.

Day Twenty Six - emergency

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning s new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,

meet them at the door laughing,

and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

Rumi

Yesterday's practice was showing up for conversation with my friend and empathy buddy, Jo. We're coming up on a year of doing this being together for an hour (or two) to see what's alive in each other. For me, one of the beautiful things about this practice is that it reveals the waves and rhythms of our lives, I think because our time together is simply regular, and not tied to events in our lives (though we do make "emergency empathy" calls sometimes, too).

And speaking of emergencies, I am so grateful to have been stepping deliberately and firmly through this 27 day practice, even as the holiday practice(s) of others swirl around me. Focusing on my practice is cultivating a sense of clarity, and blessed relief from worrying about, or reacting to Christmas. I see it there, but it doesn't have a"hold" on me as it has before. Did I mention Blessed Relief?

After an argument with Joe Monday night about holiday planning, I felt sad because I had treated my beloved in a way I did not like. (I don't think he did either....) I dove deeper and discovered that I was wanting to get all this stuff planned and done, so I could be present and rested, to really experience this 27 day practice, and our gathering with friends on Solstice. So that's why I was yelling at my husband - so I could connect!

I decided that my "to do" list was not as important as my "to be" list.

That's when I dove into poetry and music and began creating in this sort of urgent, yet peaceful way. A creative explosion spawned multiple blog drafts (which are now finally getting posted). I've been sharing Pablo Neruda poetry with students at school (aligned [enough] with our academic standards, of course ;). And included it in Solstice yoga practice with friends, as well as for my theme for Solstice yoga class. And it all relates. It's a interwoven.

This is an emergence/emergency I welcome with open arms.

And I'm loving the space for community that is growing. Tina and I planned and co created our Solstice Eve practice, and as we practiced with Tiffany, it morphed again. And again later in the afternoon as I led the class I "teach." And on Solstice, it looks to be standing room only for our celebration. (UMMM, tiny worry thought leaking in - will I/we be ready?)

There's that pulsation (spanda) of Shakti again! Sometimes things seem all in pieces, and sometimes seem inextricably connected. Because they are. Both. And it's dynamic.

Heneni. I am here. In life I can show up. It's a choice. I think about how I heard once that legislators sometimes put a heavy binder on the "yes" (or "no") button so their presence/votes will be counted, but they don't actually have to be there. (Where do they go? What is more important?) I don't want my presence to be like that. Some cardboard cut out with the face of whatever I've decided ahead of time.

An emergency is a process. Something is happening. Let's see what it is....

Day Twenty Five - on the rim

When you are fiercely angry or feeling joy beyond description, when you are at an impasse, not knowing what to do, when you are in terror or running for your life, know that such intense states of mind are fully permeated with the spanda, the creative vibration of divine shakti. Find her there.

Spanda Karikas

There were fewer clouds this morning, and in the pre dawn-darkness, I could see Mars, but not Venus. That's how it is sometimes on the rim, fishing for fallen light.

Is light "happiness" and dark "sadness"? I can no longer categorize experience that way. (I've looked at life from both sides now...ahh Joni....) I recently heard David Crosby say that we're born as boulders, get knocked around by life, and eventually become river stones. That makes this whole being human thing more palatable for me. Who wouldn't weant to be a river stone?

Some of us do seem to get there quicker, tho' I don't think that matters. There's time enough for smoothing.

Or not. Our young friend Tara died on Winter Solstice so all of a sudden five long years ago, and I think we who knew her would have liked more time - for her and for us. The last time I saw her, Mat and I were walking through town, and we saw her go into Starbuck's. We decided to cross the street, go in, and give her a hug. So glad we did that.

Now this year, I'm also remembering our friend Omaha, who died twice. I don't mean this to sound cavalier or disrespectful, as Omaha is the one person I've known (so far at least) who could, and would, live and die this way.

The first time he died was in May of 2005. We said goodbye as he lay in a coma, the doctors having assured that he would not make it. In the days that followed he and I had dream conversations about his death. He told me he had died. I told him that I respected his choice about it, but that I would miss him and prefer he stay awhile. And he did. (Later, in "regular" consciousness he and I talked about those dream conversations - and he remembered them, too.) And with those gifted days, I think he was and did what he needed. He died in his sleep at the end of December 2006. We didn't have any dream conversations about that one. It just happened. Since his second death he has come and hung out with me in dreams, and offered such a sense of Love and Light, and he has helped open my Heart. I wish I had seen him that one more time here in this dimension, yet I have sense that it's OK with him.

And for me, the gift in all of this is to remember that the creative vibration of Divine Shakti is Everything, even the song of life and death.

And to cross the street whenever necessary to hug a friend.

Day Twenty Four - Si cada día cae...

“All paths lead to the same goal: to convey to others what we are. And we must pass through solitude and difficulty, isolation and silence in order to reach forth to the enchanted place where we can dance our clumsy dance and sing our sorrowful song - but in this dance or in this song there are fulfilled the most ancient rites of our conscience in the awareness of being human and of believing in a common destiny.”

Pablo Neruda (from Nobel Prize speech)


So there's this thing about Solstice time. I set out with such eager intentions to honor this time. And then each step feels increasingly heavier - yet filled with purpose. Dynamic stillness and holding steady - like holding parsvakonasana after I wanted to come out today/night in yoga class - and then rising up into bird of paradise.

Where does that container come from? My intention in practice today/night was hineni . I am here. After yesterday's "expansion" into shards of too many to do's, thankfully I came back to myself and remembered that the most important thing is presence. To stay contained enough to remember the light. Shakinah - the Divine light. It is in me, and everything, everyone. Contained. How else could it be, for us to know it?

Music and poetry help me remember.

This is one of my favorite poems, and that I connect with this time of year. By Pablo Neruda. The English translation is mine.

Si cada día, cae
Si cada día, cae
dentro de cada noche
hay un pozo
donde la claridad está encerrada.

Hay que sentarse a la orilla
del pozo de la sombra
y pescar luz caída
con paciencia.

[If each day falls,
inside of each night
there is a well
where clarity is enclosed.

You have to sit yourself at the rim
of the well of shadow
and fish for fallen light
with patience.]

Still settling in here at the rim on Day Twenty Four....

Day Twenty Three - Hineni

It rained last night and the world seemed very different this morning. The light that much more oblique and everything ever grayer. There is beauty in that, I know, but it's not easy to see sometimes. Add to this my traditional humbug about now (during the December "teens") - the sense that something is just not right with all the holiday hubbub (sp?), and yet I cannot escape participation. By this afternoon, I'd spiraled into a thousand pieces, all going in different directions, and nothing getting done. Wanting collaboration and support, with little in sight. (Is is just that I can't see it?...)

Late afternoon necessity got me outside walking with Theo (our dog). I thought to try to listen to an NVC call on my iPod, but couldn't find the file. In frustration, I just grabbed it anyway. And headed out listening to Holy Ma, a moody chant by Shantala. I dove deeper into my state. Grrr, don't want to feel this way. Then Sri Ram Jai Ram came on and the beauty of that, just these simple names of the Divine, began to put the pieces together, at least for awhile. The dance of the One and the Many, Concealment and Revelation stirring in my heart. My energy came up a bit, and I by the time we were passing by St. Isadore's Catholic Church, I was singing along - probably off key as I had earphones in. But who cares? Very few people were around anyway on this not quite a holiday, but everything's different (is everyone at the Mall?) afternoon.

Was listening to Hineni by the time I got home. This is a beautiful and new one (to me). Didn't sound like Sanskrit....? Decided to look it up.

Turns out if I were Jewish I'd probably already know that Hineni is Hebrew and means "I am here." And so much more. I understand it to mean presence, readiness, willingness. I love this description:

"Hineni -Presence
Your full attention, in present time, to whom you are with, and to what you are doing, thus enabling you to answer the call of the moment.  Distracting thoughts of the past and future are momentarily lost in the strength and clarity of the light before you." (see http://www.ashrei.com/hineni.htm)

This is my practice! This is the way I understand empathy in NVC. Not that I'm always there, but knowing I can.

I had no idea there is such a word, and discovering it today was like a finding a sparkling jeweI on a bleak afternoon.

I am here. What a gift.

Days Twenty One and Twenty Two

Saturday practice was a snap - fun, fun, fun. Went to Lauren's early Saturday morning asana class. Going there is like going home. We did all kinds of backbends and made some of it up on the spot. I was having so much fun I forgot to get all serious about this 27 day practice, and remembered to set a (retroactive?) intention toward the end. Still counts as yoga.

This morning started a little rough as I dreamed about stuff everywhere getting in my way while I tried to make tea (=comfort), and awakening feeling like I was choking, got up to get some water and use the bathroom, to discover that my moon time had begun (already?) and then the toilet backed up and overflowed. ~And a good morning to you too!~ Got things down to a dull roar and got that tea made. Then I cried about how everything seems to be in little pieces everywhere - people, projects, life. Longing for comfort and support. That's when my friend called to see about going for a hike, and the day pretty much ambled on from there.

I'm so grateful for allies.

We walked in the hills for two hours, then Joe and I cleaned up the leaves and stuff on/in our patio gardens. I felt comforted by that. It's supposed to start raining soon for about four days.

For my practice today (as if ambling through the tress and hob-nobbing with the leaves doesn't count), I went to NVC practice group, where we explored empathy - the respectful understanding of what others are experiencing. For practice we each conjured up something that we reacted to. In my case it was a comedian I heard on TV last night who said that the best gift for him would be sex and silence (i.e. leave me alone afterward). I didn't like that. We spent the next 45 minutes practicing empathy as a group for individual who offered their examples. We didn't get to my example that way. And the most powerful thing was that, at the end, we went back in to our own examples individually, to see how it was, and to offer empathy to ourselves, and/or the other person. I loved doing this because I found that I had shifted toward my own example, even though I had been being present with others' examples for 45 minutes. And I was able to come up with an empathy guess for the comedian ("Are you feeling desperate and longing for touch, sexual expression, and space?") and myself ("I'm feeling vulnerable and needing respect"). Getting the empathy guess right isn't important, but that energetic quality of willingness to connect is. What a difference. And all without saying a word about it specifically. That's powerful.

I would still not want to be his girlfriend, though.

Phew. As I look forward to days Twenty Three through Twenty Seven (Solstice!) I feel heartented. There's four more school days this week, and much preparation still to do for our gathering on Solstice, and the wishes, dreams, visions, and longings for the Yule Log from those who will not be present in body are starting to come in. Thank goodness I've planned ahead and done early beer research. Spruce tips it is!

Days Nineteen and Twenty - winter medicine

Mmmmmm feeliig sleepy tonight - Friday! One week until Solstice.

I just got done watching a documetary about Joni Mitchell, one of my all time favorite artists. She expresses so much through her music, and hearing her story about the struggle with balancing creative expression, love, and freedom, I can relate. And I'm feeling more of my own passionate shadow, evoked by her music, and dedication to authenticity.

Tonight I'm sampling a Winter Ale, made with spruce tips. More winter medicine. This tree, that we here in the US know as a Christmas tree, has a long full relationship with humankind. The etymology of the word spruce goes back a long way - and possibly into many different cultures - intimating at ancient connections between us. Seems to involves the idea of "fat" or "sticky stuff" or "pitch" that comes from one of the tree's offerings - and also and ancient name for Prussia. Check out the details are http://www.billcasselman.com/canadian_garden_words/cgw_four.htm

Spruce (Pinea sp.) is of course, another source of winter medicine. According to one website, "spruce pitch or sap placed on wounds for healing, to stop bleeding, and to prevent infection; heated pitch brought relief to burns, sore muscles, and toothaches; tea from the bark was used for relief of symptoms with cold, flu, and sore throat; spruce needle tea was used for stomach ailments and kidney problems; juice squeezed from the new spruce tips at the tree top or end of the branches was used to relieve sore eyes." Spruce tips are high in Vitamin C; in the 1700's sailors drank spruce tip and bark tea to prevent scurvy.

And now, in addition to our holiday "Christmas" tree, we can enjoy Alaskan Winter Ale with spruce tips, available at your local BevMo. The old is ever new. Just a little "spruced up" - pardon the pun.

And speaking of winter medicine, let's again consider Amanita muscaria. Yesterday, I was reminded of how the shaman dresses as the sacrament. That's why Santa looks like this mushroom. What is an Amanita ritual about? I think it's about visioning, and how much is enough. A little Amanita helps depression, yet too much will kill you. A little bit would lift us from a belief that life has no meaning (an upper (6th/7th?) chakra issue) while too much would destroy the body. How interesting that this comes at the time of year when the Sun moves form Sagittarius ("ruled" by Jupiter - the largest a planet can get without collapsing into a star) and Capricorn ("ruled" by Saturn - the most distant visible planet) at Solstice . The edges of light and darkness. Expansion and limits. OMG fudge! How much is too much? Let's find out! Did I get the right gift for [fill in the blank]? Is it enough?

Is that the holiday season or what?

There is a Sanskrit phrase for something like "how much so much?" that I cannot remember nor find at the moment. Yet I bring it up because, like so many other helpful ideas, we can find it in yoga. Discernment. How much IS enough? Shopping, shopping, shopping, doing, doing, doing, Could it be that in this season of giving, that too much too much giving gets on the way? Might it be more compassionate to take care of yourself? Give, yes, and keep some room to receive - give the gift of your presence!

I think an important key here is context. When I understand the context of this ritual in which I'm participating - I can choose what is meaningful to me and align with it. Taken out of context - must...buy...gifts...- the meaning is lost. Just like when a whole plant medicine is turned into a toxic mimic by extracting it's most prevelent component and placed into isolation (in a pill, or some such) - what pharmaceutical companies do - and called medicine. It's out of context. That's like removing my lips and offering them - alone- to you as a smile. Not the same, is it?

Yet there is a choice to stay whole. And revel in it.

Humble Thanks and Bright Blessings to our plant allies. May we know who they are as we trim the tree, and enjoy so many of their fruits.

Oh, and my practice?

Yesterday, I dressed in red, white and brown to teach yoga class - with a theme of being the change we want to see in the world (see Ghandi 101...). We can all be the sacrament, be our vision.

Tonight I lifted a spruce tip beer, in honor of winter medicine.

That's my yoga.

Day Eighteen

Feels like things picked up a little today, not in speed, but in my comfort level with the pace. I wonder if 18 days is some kind of critical time window (those multiples of nine do seem important...). Or maybe it's this sliver of a waxing moon that I could see just after sunset tonight.

I gave myself the gift of a quiet afternoon today. I needed some space and rest. I've been hanging in there with a hard place at work these past fews days - digging underneath my habitual reaction to feeling discouraged (withdrawal) and focusing instead on my needs for mutuality, support, and clarity. This freed me to actually receive some! Hung out at home and listened to a recording of an NVC conference call for peace activists to explore what is alive in them in their peace work. I hadn't been thinking of myself as a peace activist, but I sure am doing my best to live and model peace. And I could relate with what came up in the call. I loved hearing NVC explained and modeled by the facilitator, Miki Kashtan. ( I would like to be her when I grow up :) Meanwhile I drink in her example).

I fell asleep (again) listening to a person receiving empathy on the call. There's something incredibly peaceful and reassuring about hearing adults connect with each other in this way. When I observe and listen in person, I feel the same way (but tend not to conk out...) I believe that, for me, I am literally opeining new pathways in myself when I listen like this. And thanks to my friend Elana for pointing out that this seems like an organic thing - much better done without all the external stimulus So I literally sleep like a baby. And that was my practice (although I did do a few restorative hip and chest openers while listening).

I am so grateful to every other person who is doing this work within themsleves and sharing it with others. I am healing, and feeling so hopeful.

Days Fifteen, Sixteen & Seventeen

Hanging in there. Whoa, my life seems bogged down. The computer snafu has definitely added to the challenge, but I got a loaner yesterday, and I'm baaaack!

But it's really not the computer thing. it's just being a householder, I think. Used to be that yogi's were ascetics and/or older folks - you know, the time for focus on spirtitual development comes after raising the family. In my case, I've been a mom for over 26 years, and still have a 13 year old at home. This has, of course, been a huge blessing, as I haven't had much time to get lazy :) Yet, consistent meditation (in full lotus) is not (yet) available. That's why I apprecite tantra yoga. It's the yoga of everything. Taking a deep centering breath as I load groceries in the car, or listen to my son telling me that I am contributing to his discontent, or dancing through a brave (IMHO) attempt to teach -ar verb conjugtion to 12 year olds, or getting the dog out for his poop walk, make it to yoga class on time, and home again to fix dinner.

The yoga is in all of that. Thank God and Goddess, because that's where I am.

The past two mornings my meditation and celebration has been walking outside barefoot to get the paper at little after 6:00 a.m. It's still dark, and whisper quiet. And sparkling like two jewels are Venus in the east, ans Mars in the west. I swear I have felt so "held" in their presence. Balanced somehow by the geometry of their predawn gaze. Today, they were perfectly trine, with 120 degrees between them - one third of a perfect circle - at 7 degrees Scorpio (Mars)/Cancer (Venus) - at 3:14 p.m. During yoga class tonight, I smiled as we moved through a physically challenging (Mars) asana practice, while the theme was beauty (Venus).

As above so below.

Days Thirteen and Fourteen

There will be a new moonat 17 Sagittarius tomorrow morning at 9:40 am PST. I plan to be in savasana at the end of yoga class. The Sabian Symbol for this moon is: Little children are playing on the sultry beach, but each is protected from the glare by a tiny sunbonnet. (This is rather amusing as last night I received a head band neck protector sort of little hat device at the white elephant gift exchange for our staff holiday party :) At a new moon, the moon is invisible (no sunlight is reflected). I consider this a very deep, occult place - that still space after an exhale. I love that this is coming in the middle of this 27 day practice, this very still place. What grows from here? Where is that sultry beach? Will I get out there (in there) to play? And remember to take care to protect from the glare....



It's been an interesting couple of days. While writing this blog last Thursday night, I was called to dinner, our wireless at home failed, and my laptop froze - all in practically the same moment. (And interestingly nearly precisely half-way thought this 27 day practice.) I figured it must be time to take a break, and went to eat dinner. On return, I as able to get the wireless going, but discovered that the laptop was unable to even boot up. It has forgotten or lost it's brain. So that one is in the shop. But not before I thought I could saunter up to the local Apple Store (in the center of the shopping & restaurant district) and drop in at the genius bar. Without an appointment. 18 days before Christmas. On a Friday. At lunch time. Guess my brain offline, too :) I spent 45 minutes finding a (very nice, actually ) 3 hour parking space (I had been chanting parking goddess full of grace, help me find a parking space... ), then discovered (with the help of a supportive (nearly genius? genius in training?) store clerk) that I had to have a appointment - and the next one was 4 hours away.



Harrumph. And so instead of practicing yoga on my mat that afternoon, I did this sort of get a bite to eat, drive home, take a bath (actually two - there wasn't enough hot water for the first one...so I got out to), walk the dog , and go back up to the Apple store, before heading out to our holiday party that evening.



And the practice was the same. Stay connected. Flow. Breathe. Notice my attachment to my computer - and let it go. Notice my desire to blame someone (me) for the "failed" hard drive. And let it go. Remember that the computer, crowded conditions, parking issues, and hot water delay were luxury problems.



May be no one else would count that as yoga, but I do.



Today, I did about 30 minutes of asana before heading to an all day NVC couples class with Joe. The asana was sweet and got me centered and flowing. The NVC class was an exercise in presence - with myself, with Joe, and with the group. We focused on expressing anger, receiving anger, expressing regret, and expressing appreciation. Especially powerful for me was the expressing regret practice: 1) empathic connection 2) mourning others needs not met 3) acknowledging needs of mine not met 4) reverse empathy. I saw in this as both a simple way to address my regrets with loved ones in my "everyday" life, and a simple way to cultivate peace on the planet. Seriously. Playfully :) Not necessarily easy, though. Yet, such a relief to know that I can always clean up if I have not been the giraffe I would like to be.



Expressions appreciation was very sweet, too. Instead of labeling someone "good" or "fabulous" or "wonderful" or whatever when I like what happened, I can let them know what they did, how I feel, and what needs of mine were met. And oh, boy, receiving some of this (which I did ) was a potent gift.



Not a right or wrong here, of course, just what will connect most powerfully and deeply.



This, too, is yoga for me.

Days Eleven and Twelve

The twelve days of Christmas have always seemed like a big bite - and those come after Solstice. These 27 days before are getting longer every day. I suspect that's because the nights are still getting longer. There's something visceral and powerfully, I don't know, attention getting about the continually lengthening night. I'm a rational woman (or so I thought:) with 46 solstices under my belt, yet something deep within me feels a little fear as daylight draws down at the end of each day. Will it ever return?

With every step toward Solstice, it seems like that "goal" is farther away. A reverse perspective (an effect of A. muscaria, BTW - big gets smaller, small gets bigger - remember Alice in Wonderland - where was she anyway - and what was Lewis Carroll into???) And I sink deeper in - what? Of course, now that I think about it. Was I thinking that this 27 days practice would bear fruit? It's more like pruning back the old, and settling into the starkness of fallow times. I could call it "depression" but I think that's only apt if I am telling myself I "should" be feeling, being, something diferent. In the raw, direct, unevaluated/judged/diagnosed experience I feel quiet.

Yesterday's practice was offering my empathic presence to others. Two people with unrelated stories, yet so similar on the fundamental human level. Today I did something similar at the end of yoga class, holding space.

Earlier in the day, I was at school - exploring how we can all be more present with one another, and find ways to support everyone's needs. And maintain order and respect. Our school is a community of nearly 700 11-14 year olds, and about 40 adults. Can we really live in a paradigm of cooperation, without demands, and coercion? How can we not, if we are to support a world where everyone matters? These questions quickly spiral into an inquiry of our entire societal framework, which I believe is based on reward for compliance to authority, and punishment of rebellion. This requires ideas of Right and Wrong, creation of an "other," enemy images, and a hierarchy about who matters.

To step out of that requires a new paradigm, about which the poet Rumi said: Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there's a field. I'll meet you there. I think NVC describes a way to do this. And I'm pretty passionate about it. At our school, some of us have been working on a "lunch detention" program that offers kids a chance to take a look at something they did at school that someone else didn't like, to connect with what's alive in them and others, and consider ways everyone's needs could be considered. Radical. Today I spent some time around lunch detention, so see/feel how it's going. I don't think we're there yet. But I'm grateful to know that we're in it. This is not easy, and I recognized my need for support.

This 27 day practice is supporting me to settle in and connect with the energy of my need to matter - and I see myself actually behaving as if I do. More recently, that same need in others is becoming more apparent to me (of course). I'm guessing that some people have the opposite challenge - they are connected with their own need to matter, and don't see others...not sure.

What I do know is that I want to live in a You and I BOTH matter. Gosh, how is that done?

Day Ten

Got in touch with my "inner Santa" yesterday. Creativity, even - figures out how to make put together the giraffe in the Santa hat and all that.

Felt crabby and tired today. Needing...? Geez, there's that blank spot again....

Listened to the first part if an NVC conversation about depression. Still working on transforming my understanding of this and other subjects popular in the 1980's recovery movement - to which I'm grateful for supporting me in my beginning opening toward wholeness.

Made myself go to yoga class, Glad I did. It was beautiful and peaceful - met my needs for beauty and peace, exercise, rest, integrity, connection. I'm continuing to work with aligning my energy centers. Letting go of relentless precision. My body and I like this.

At the same time, I'm feeling a fierceness unfolding in me. Protective. As if I matter. And while I still want to connect with others, I'm "feeling" less, well, responsible. And less willing to be nice, less worried about not being so.

Hmm.

What I'm coming to understand from this experience is that observations, feelings and needs, are "located" in my body - from upper to lower chakras? Transforming my view/thinking/attitude is an upper chakra thing, my feelings are in my heart, and my needs, way deep at the core of my pelvis. I don't know if anyone has linked these this way -yet- but that's my experience. And it's all right here to be explored. Fascinating.

The flatness/numbness of feeling depressed and/or blank spots about needs that are so common, (for me and others in our culture, I think) are NOT nothing. I can go into the flatness, numbness, blankness through feeling it in my body. That's what I'm playing with now. Uncharted territory.

Days Eight and Nine - reframing the holidays

So I've decided to take on these 27 days before Solstice because why...?

This can be a tough time of year. Less light, increased "demands" of the holidays. For me, its a time when I want to go in (as one can see), yet the rhythm of the culture (Petri dish :) in which I live groans on. Electric lights, forced air heat, and the belief that "time" is real - and the clock tells me when to go and how fast.

As always, I value authentic connection with what is alive, and this time of year I long for it. How to do that in this life I lead?

Practice helps, even if it's not cathartic in the moment, or at all. Today's practice was gentle hip openers, gentle breathing, with gentle music. Ahhh....

Yesterday's practice was to be present in NVC Practice group. NVC is about learning to see things without judgment, to notice how I feel, and connect with what needs of mine are giving rise to those feelings. Others don't cause my feelings - my (met or unmet) needs do. From there, I can experience a deeper connection with myself. And from there see what I can request from myself or others in order to meet my needs (these are strategies to meet he needs). For example, during December, I am feeling overwhelmed and needing support, ease, space, and rest. Strategies to meet these needs might be a nightly bubble bath, reducing my commitments, making double sure I get to yoga class, or any or all of these. I might request that my family take on the responsibility of taking our dog Theo out in the evening for December, to help meet my needs for support, ease, space, and rest, I don't "need" them to take him out, though - it is a strategy to meet those underlying needs. I could also commit to doing it by 7 pm, or plan to leavethe back door open or see if someone would be willing to do it for hire.... This kind of thinking really opens things up. And takes pressure of the ol' fandamily.

The "other" side of NVC is to listen for how another is seeing things, and the related feelings, needs, and requests.

NVC is a really powerful practice - one that cultivates compassion for oneself and others, That's why it's called nonviolent (or compassionate) communication.

I didn't learn how to do this in the culture I grew up in. Instead I learned to judge, analyze and evaluate, to feel some feelings (maybe) and then think someone else caused them. Needs...? What...? And make demands, or live without. And, that, my friends, leads to anger, depression, or both. Unmet needs.

I'm learning now.

Sometimes people call NVC consciousness "giraffe," and the other "jackal."


Which brings me to Santa Claus. Isn't it interesting how Santa is set up to be the guy that brings you stuff -to meet your needs? And it's OK to ask - and I mean specifically - and I'm not even a Christian? It's not like I can do that with anyone else - I can just imagine making a detailed list and handing it out to all my friends and family - or even one - that would NOT go over well! How come we get to do that with Santa?

Here's the part where I link Santa, magic mushrooms and NVC - ready?

Santa is a metaphor for Amanita muscaria. Google that on the web and find beaucoup de interesting info and commentary. These mushrooms - the fabled toadstool or "fly agaric" are linked with pine, fir, and birch trees, grow in the mountains, where reindeer live (and eat them, get high, and frolic around) and humans, too.




The way our bodies metabolize them, we will get some nausea and vomiting first, then have an experience that might be described (by me - from descriptions I've read, and not from personal experiece) as a deeply connecting experience. (Will the real hallucinatory experience please stand up?) These are possibly the spiritually enlightening Soma of the Vedas.

These mushrooms can be toxic, yet the active properties are still present in urine. So - a shaman who knows how to handle it may ingest the plant, metabolize the poison, then pass it to everyone else "secondarily" (well, you get the idea...)

Santa, in his red and white suit, hanging out with reindeer and flying around - is our shaman. He can metabolize the toxins of our jackal way of seeing, help us connect, and to request what we want. Santa is us!

Could be better than Prozac. Or ingesting the mushrooms. No need. Learn to hear the jackals, transform/translate them to giraffe. Connect. Can it be done? I'm working on it every day, aiming for radical acceptance of myself and others. And finding wholeness (purna), at the core, the cthonic soil out of which compassion springs.

A last note (pardon the pun...). I am well familiar with the part where Santa makes a list of good and bad little boys and girls who do or don't "deserve" gifts. I think this was a later jackal cultural overlay to who Santa really is. So I've written a little song as an offering to reframe the (w)hol(e)idays:

What if Santa were a Giraffe? A lump of coal to fuel the fires of understanding..

[Sung to the tune of "Santa Claus is Comin' to Town"]

It's OK to cry when you express what's alive,
And even to shout trying to get it all out.

Santa wants to hear your request.

He's listening loud for what's alive in you,
He'll even check twice if his understanding's askew.

Santa wants to hear your request.

You can let him know you're sleepy
And needing some deep rest
And please take the time to tell him
What will meet your need the best!

So, cry if you will, laugh and sing if you must,
Just remember to ask because you can trust

Santa wants to hear your, Santa wants to hear your, Santa wants to hear your request!

Bright Blessings to All and to All a Perfect Night!

Days Six and Seven

As much as I imagined an inner journey like this would be a delight, I'm also finding it to takes some patience, to not let the bowstring fly just yet. This, in spite of the fact that it would be a wild shot. Deep in my concept of how-I'm-supposed-to do-life is the message "Don't just sit there - do something!" I am indebted to my Buddhist friends who share a welcome alternate perspective "Don't just do something - sit there!" Which I take to mean - practice, go in first. From there my aim will be steady and strong. [To hear an inspiring discussion on this subject, check this out: http://kpfa.org/archives/index.php?arch=23547]

So here I am. Sinking deeply into these uncharted invisible waters. My early education offered no maps, no initiation into this inner world. A least I have few preconceptions - and so less programming and habit to transform.

Yesterday's practice was kirtan with Jai Uttal in Berkeley. Before I left, I felt tired and somewhat reluctant to go out again - I'm not a big go out at night person, especially this time of year. Yet, I could feel a longing in my bones for mutuality - that sense of being with others who also care about what I care about. That - and Tina's offer to drive- got me out the door. And, yes, just being in a room with 100+ (200?) others who have come out on a chilly late November night to sing the names of the Divine over and over (japa) - oh, that alone just connects my dots!

As soon as I heard Jai Uttal start singing, I began to sway from deep in my core, and I saw the pattern of colors of this energy - like a very fine batik design, that I could actually read, if I understood the language.... And as I sang, I just flowed along, not ecstatic, just quiet, and amused really, at how the waves of our music flowed in the rhythm of lovers. My physical body was tired the whole time, yet I knew I was getting into that invisible river on which my physical body depends.

I got home around 11:00 p.m., and went right to bed committed to staying there as long as I needed to.

Woke up at 6:00 a.m. :)

And felt ready for yoga class at 9:00 a.m. Practice felt good. It's interesting how the little aches and pains move around in the physical body. I think I remember a time when I felt completely free of such things, but at 46, I'm having fewer (if any?) days like that. I find that showing up for practice is helpful not matter what, and WAY better than doing nothing. I dedicated my practice to connection with life, and had a good time. We did several arm balances which seemed pretty effortless, actually. I've been working with remembering to allow my pelvic core and heart to connect like magnets (my upper palate, too, though that one isn't as clear --yet;), and I think that's making a difference.

I'm becoming increasing aware of the landscape of my energy body - as a circuit flowing both "up" and "down" - a circle/zero/infinity/spiral - could it be like this ?




I notice that sometimes there's a drop and I need to breathe/bring it "up" and sometimes it flies out the top of my head and I need to breathe/bring it "down." And back around, and around again.

Japa.

Day Five - reclaiming/recovering the unseen

So, last night, I was feeling a little flat - and worried. Pressuring myself to have something pithy to say each and every day. And luckily, last night was NVC call night, so I got to talk with my dear friend and "empathy" buddy Jo. We do this once a week, rather no matter what, to check in and be with what is alive in ourselves and each other. By diving more deeply into the "flatness" - the "non-ecstacy" - I found this place of connection with the deeper, still waters of what Is, and decided to surrender. What a relief. I decided that if I had nothing to say, then I wouldn't. Until I did. And then I would.

Today has been a very peaceful day. In yoga class, when we chanted aum, there was something very resonant about it. Full and alive.

And I remember that surrender is often like that. Falling more deeply into what Is - opens it up. Unless I am using surrender as a strategy to force something to open up. But then, that's not truly surrrender, is it? It's more like faux surrender - a toxic mimic.

I learned some of this from someone I didn't thank the other day - Caroline Casey. She is an astrologer and host of the Visionary Activist Show (KPFA 94.1 FM - Thurs. 2 pm). I just love to explore the trails she blazes. Today she and her guest talked about how plants with the medicine you need will begin to grow near your home (ex. Japanese knot weed, an excellent medicine for Lyme disease, is moving along the East Coast - and preceding the appearance of the disease by six months.) There is more going on here than meets the untrained eye, but we can see it if we so desire, and learn how. What is growing in my front yard? Oddly, a liquid amber tree was just removed, and the crimson sage whacked all to heck - wonder what that might mean?

This is the kind of question I want to be asking. To pay attention like that.

Caroline also described how a visible river always has an invisible river associated with it - 500 ft below and beyond what we see on the surface. And that the health of the visible river depends on the health of the invisible river.

That is How Things Work.

There is so much unseen, that may be seen if we know how to look.

And for me, during these 27 days I'm feeling into that invisible river. And looking with the unworn sides of my eyes....

Day Four - space and all that stuff

In this body are seers and sages, all the stars and planets as well. There are sacred pilgrimages, shrines, and presiding deities of the shrines. The sun and the moon also move in it. Ether, air, fire, water, and earth are also there. All the beings that exist are also to be found in the body. He who knows all this is a yogi.

Shiva Samhita

I stopped by the Thrift Station today, to drop off some donations -- and look for some little treasure.... I love going to the thrift store. I live in a materially affluent community and a decent part of my wardrobe comes from what other people give away. And while I don't see myself as a big consumer, a couple times a year, I have a couple bags of clothes to give away myself. Where does that stuff come from? It's embarrassing. And yet I was ready to shop there today, after making my altruistic "donation."

When I arrived at the back door, bags in hand, the "thrift store lady" told me, "Sorry, we're not taking anymore clothes today." I stared at her in disbelief. My inner BS began, self righteousness: "Wow, I'm trying to make a donation here...." and frustration: "OK - is there a dumpster? I just want to get rid if this stuff...." I stood there, still silent. She said, "I'm sorry, it's just that we're so full back in and need to sort through all these [massive piles of clothes] first, or someone's going to trip over it and get hurt." And then I could really see why I was really there - to make space in my life. I wanted space - and so did the thrift store lady!

I left with bags in hand, head hanging low. There's just too much damn stuff getting in the way. For too many of us. In the way of knowing All That Is.
A bad case of affluenza.

So, my practice today was about noticing and appreciating space, allowing myself to long for it. Accepting that I would not be rid of my "stuff" so easily, so unconsciously. And not buying anything "new" at the Thrift Station.

Day Three - No epiphanies and confusion

I guess it's understandable that some days are just, well, regular. No epiphanies today. Went to yoga class. Interesting that Kristi was not there - we had Alan instead. So after all that heartfelt teacher-thanking yesterday, I was offered an opportunity to learn from someone different. I found myself smiling alot. Not entirely sure why. I was just feeling amused. And present. I remembered to dedicate my practice to connection with what is alive in me. And I thought about how I really "ought" to be more connected with what is alive in others. And remembered that thinking is not necessarily practicing. And that so much of my experience as a human is below words. So I felt into that.

Also wondered about whether it "counts" if I'm not doing the exact same practice every day during these 27 days. Is it enough to commit to noticing what is alive in me, and others? There are so many ways that shows up. Wondered about whether I'm confused about what to do - and remembered what Kelly Bryson says about confusion - you can offer empathy for the confusion by saying (to yourself or someone else) "So, a part of you is feeling confused...." That allows the other parts to soar up and get a bird's eye view of the situation. One thing I noticed is I felt really steady in tree pose in class this evening, and it occurred to me that this is the same steadiness I feel when I'm guiding 37 seventh graders through a Spanish lesson. I knew then for sure that my yoga asana practice does have an impact in other parts of my life. And when I think about it, I know it's all one. So in the classroom and on the yoga mat are the exact same practice? In a sense.

I guess that counts as an "epiphanito."

Day Two - cultivating joy and gratitude

School resumed today after a week off for Thanksgiving break. I woke up feeling off, with a headache (sinus? the shot of Jack Daniels I put in my sipping chocolate last night?...) Yet I really wanted to get myself together (and I did) because - dare I say it?- I like to go to work.

One of the things I really love about my job teaching middle school Spanish is that, although it's my primary source of income, it doesn't stand out as this thing I have to do, before I can get to the good stuff. I hesitate to admit this, but it seems to me that it's all good stuff. Even the hard parts. I resist saying so, because it sounds so, well, Pollyanna. Immersed as a child in the vapors of the good old fashioned New England work ethic, I assumed that work would equal suffering. No more. (Thanks, Dad, for bringing us to California ;) I still glance around every now and then and marvel at how much fun I'm having.

I didn't used to have so much fun teaching. When I saw myself in the role of "teacher" as the authority, boy did I feel alot of pressure to get it right. All the time. And to be in charge. So I could cram all that info down people's throats. I've heard teachers of mine say they would like to apologize to their students for the early days, and I think I've come to know what they mean. Geez, all that martyred sort of perfectionistic effort - so pinched and disconnected.

These days I try not do anything that I don't feel joy about doing. Really. And for those things that seem like "have to's" - well I take a deeper look and remember why I'm doing it - what needs of mine am I meeting? In the case of my school teaching job, those needs are challenge, contribution, connection, competence, learning, food/shelter, even order (I like routine). Then they magically become "get to's." (I love magic....)

One "have-to" I have not yet mastered is taking our dog Theo out to pee at night before bed. It's especially tough if I've drifted off to sleep on the couch. Let's see...taking him ourside meets my need for caring about Theo, and fairness (it's my job only two nights a week), and when I think of all my needs that are met by him - affection, loyalty, companionship, safety, play. Yeah, it is a joy to have him in my life, and knowing that does make it a little easier to "get to" take him out on these cold nights. Not magic, though - yet.

These things I've learned from my teachers/guides. Through yoga (asana, meditation, chant, breath practice), NVC, tarot, astrology, metaphysics, and magic, one of the big big things that I have learned/remembered from my teachers/guides is this: I am the teacher/knower. Connection within leads to connection without. The teacher is out "there," yes - and we are ONE. What all of these people have done is is to support me in remembering that.

When I contemplate this I feel such deep gratitude. And motivation for when I am graced to be in the seat of the teacher, that I may always do nothing more than offer this kind of support to others.

So, today my practice is to thank my teachers. All these people have shown up in a big way, many time and again ( and to this day), with something to really light a spark in me and show me how to connect more deeply with life: Lauren Davis, Ulrika Engman, John Friend, Abby Tucker, Sianna Sherman, Jim Bernhart, Paul Muller-Ortega, Carlos Pomeda, Chris Wallis, Douglas Brooks, Dave Stringer, Maja Bengston, Marshall Rosenberg, Paul Bogle, Alexandra Robin, Elana O'Loskey, Ramses (sorry, Rams - I know you would not call yourself a "teacher"...). And so many friends and allies, my "students" chief among them.

And tonight, I'll meditate on the mantra Om namah shivaya gurave - greetings to the teacher within and without.

Day One - On Jackals and Altared States (or the state of my altar...)

Day One practice was straightforward, as I often go to yoga class on Sunday these days. It was interesting becuase our teacher commented on two things - first that akasha in Sanskrit means space, and that there are different finds of akasha, which resonated for me re. what I was exploring yesterday about zero. And today's theme was about karma yoga - or yoga of action. Like this 27 day practice that I'm walking through. So it was pretty easy to remember to dedicate my practice today.

The connection itself has not been so easy as (1) my body felt heavy and sore and (2) my jackals were "up" about really doing this 27 day practice and especially about starting a blog about it. Their core message seemed to be "you don't know what you're doing, and no one really cares anyway." Isn't that fun? And so I am reminded that connection is not all roses and sunshine, blessings and light, angels and new age music (as much as I love that stuff...) Sometimes we just have to bow down to all of it...

These jackals, as I lovingly refer to them using the term from Nonviolent Communication (NVC), are saying something important - that I can listen to, and -yes- deepen my connection. I think they want to protect me from harm. They want me to minimize any risk of delusion ("don't think you know something!" and also exposure to criticism ("and don't tell anyone even if you do!").

Now, I can appreciate their loving concern ;) The issue I have with their "suggestions" is that the level of detachment and emotional safety that they would like me to have would keep me from being authentic, having fun, exploring what life is all about, as well as sharing all of this in community, plus receiving support, appreciation, and plain old being seen and heard. A bargain I'm no longer willing to make.

Besides, as Marshall Rosenberg (founder of NVC) points out, I will be a whole lot happier if I never again let anyone tell me who I am. Or something like that.

So I thank my jackals, for reminding me to keep an eye out for any mindf*&$ I might create or be exposed to, and also to remember who I am. You can relax, now, guys, I think I got the message, and no, I won't be abandoning this intriguing super fun why not 27 day practice.

Oh and as for the heavy sore body, I think I'm just still adjusting to being in it. I thought about doing no physical activity today, but my instinct was that would not have helped. Instead, I've been gentle with myself both in yoga class, and also on a lovely hike with friends. I am opening up to feeling my energy and I want to move with it.

Karma yoga - take the action and do so consciously. Stopping, leaving, hiding...some of my (increasing formerly) favorite strategies...none of these are as effective.

And so on to my altar. The altar is this physical place where I can place physical things/symbols - and it is an energy place, too, depending on my level of consciousness about what I'm doing. To create an altar, I must decide what matters and make space for it. It's another practice that helps me be clear.

My altar had become a bit cluttered (can anyone say "me-ta-phor"...?) And, I had not cleared it yesterday as planned, so I did it this afternoon. Took everything off. Decided what I wanted there. The Nataraj, a peacock feather, my tarot cards, the oghams my daughter made for me, the Radhe bead necklace, a stone that says "Joy" it. And the one that says "Peace" - where is that one? Couldn't find it. Can't find Peace - good one... I'm just smiling about that, amused. It will come, I trust. OK , and underneath, the Irish ceramic pig from my paternal grandparents, oh - and that bracelet my maternal great aunt gave me - gifts from my ancestors.

Finding these things, and putting away others, took an hour or two. I combed through all my "special" stuff, happy it is Sunday, and so to have a little time.

And now as the sun is setting on this misty November day, I feel a little less heavy, a lot less sore, and much more clear.

Day Zero

Day Zero. Preparing for this 27 day journey to Winter Solstice.

Zero is a topic in itself, a blog of its own, a universe - the universe. Zero is space between - between beginnings and endings, between breaths, outside of time. And this space is full, or so I hear. One of those things that I think, if I actually "got" it, I would be enlightened. Or more accurately, remember that I already am.

Just getting started here...and already I'm outside of time and space as I have known it.

Today is Day Zero, and the moon is full. Perfect. Purna, in Sanskrit, means both full and perfect. Just like zero. This moon today was full at 6:30 am PST, 1 degree 55 minutes Gemini. The Sabian symbol for this degree is: A quick wind is making sport with the sea. Through sharp mist as far as sight reaches are scurrying whitecaps. The sun at the same time was at 1 degree 55 minutes Sagittarius. The Sabian symbol for this degree is: A nervous gentleman dressed in an elaborate Santa Claus costume is filling Christmas stockings furtively. How to put these symbols together - to describe this particular full moon? A quick wind is blowing, and seas are choppy - time is short - what is most important to give?

Not every full moon this time of year carries this symbolism. But this time of year is always about Sagittarius, the sign of the archer. The archer draws back the bowstring now. This is time for cultivating intention. The arrow will fly on Winter Solstice, when the sun moves into Capricorn on 21 December - at 10:08 pm PST. Cardinal Earth. Manifestation. And the strength with which that arrow flies is proportional to the depth of the drawing back.

The next 27 days are an opportunity to draw in deeply.

Where do I aim? I've been thinking about and playing with this for weeks now. And today - Day Zero - under this auspicious full moon, I am perfecting my choice. To what do I dedicate this time? How will I gather myself in this quick wind?

I know it is about living from the inside out. Knowing I am whole ~ one with the Divine ~ and aligning with that. Knowing that forgetting this is also an act of the Divine. The dance of concealment and revelation. Remembering (when I can), that this being human is an opportunity, that these physical, emotional, and energy bodies are gifts.

For over 15 years, my conscious practice has been about connecting to the Divine. From "lower" chakras to "upper." A beautiful thing. And progress to be doing so consciously, as the first 30 years of my life I had been unconsciously fleeing to the relative safety of these upper realms. I clung to my upper chakras, knees drawn into my chest, eyes closed, face pressed away from the world below, sometimes in despair sometimes in disdain. So, waking up "up there" was a relief. Fun, actually. Even interacting with the disembodied Spirits I encountered there wasn't nearly as scary as having my feet on the Earth.

And slowly, as I awaken, I am beginning to reach down here and there, stretch a toe toward the Great Mother, breathe more deeply into my belly, become more willing to feel what is beyond/below words, and burrow in to the living energy of what it is to be human. And what do I find there? The Divine :)

And so - connecting above and below, below and above. Around and around - a never ending circuit of energy, the Nataraja's spiral dance of creation. The aurobouros.

The zero.

And from here, anything is possible. Peace on Earth. For all. That is what I would most want to devote myself to.

So, to bring this back to (ahem) time and space. What is my intention for the next 27 days? Toward what do I aim my bow? Remembering ("re-member-ing") myself to wholeness. And when I do, to connect with the wholeness in others. And when I don't, to cultivate willingness. For the sake of us all. For the strength and wisdom to take action in alignment with Joy and Peace.

How will I do this? With what strength will I draw back the bowstring? Through practice done with intention. At least one every day: asana, meditation, conscious breathing, chanting, singing, drawing.... For me specifically, I plan to practice with awareness of aligning the energy centers of my body - the three main energetic focal points (core of the pelvis, heart, and upper palate) , and also the seven primary chakras, with specially attention to connecting the lower and upper chakras at the heart. In my case, this especially involves exploring and occupying my lower chakras more consciously. Today, I'll clear and reset my altar to prepare.

This is where I plan to begin the journey. I open to Grace, watching, listening, and hoping for surprises and revelation along the way.