Day Twenty Five - on the rim

When you are fiercely angry or feeling joy beyond description, when you are at an impasse, not knowing what to do, when you are in terror or running for your life, know that such intense states of mind are fully permeated with the spanda, the creative vibration of divine shakti. Find her there.

Spanda Karikas

There were fewer clouds this morning, and in the pre dawn-darkness, I could see Mars, but not Venus. That's how it is sometimes on the rim, fishing for fallen light.

Is light "happiness" and dark "sadness"? I can no longer categorize experience that way. (I've looked at life from both sides now...ahh Joni....) I recently heard David Crosby say that we're born as boulders, get knocked around by life, and eventually become river stones. That makes this whole being human thing more palatable for me. Who wouldn't weant to be a river stone?

Some of us do seem to get there quicker, tho' I don't think that matters. There's time enough for smoothing.

Or not. Our young friend Tara died on Winter Solstice so all of a sudden five long years ago, and I think we who knew her would have liked more time - for her and for us. The last time I saw her, Mat and I were walking through town, and we saw her go into Starbuck's. We decided to cross the street, go in, and give her a hug. So glad we did that.

Now this year, I'm also remembering our friend Omaha, who died twice. I don't mean this to sound cavalier or disrespectful, as Omaha is the one person I've known (so far at least) who could, and would, live and die this way.

The first time he died was in May of 2005. We said goodbye as he lay in a coma, the doctors having assured that he would not make it. In the days that followed he and I had dream conversations about his death. He told me he had died. I told him that I respected his choice about it, but that I would miss him and prefer he stay awhile. And he did. (Later, in "regular" consciousness he and I talked about those dream conversations - and he remembered them, too.) And with those gifted days, I think he was and did what he needed. He died in his sleep at the end of December 2006. We didn't have any dream conversations about that one. It just happened. Since his second death he has come and hung out with me in dreams, and offered such a sense of Love and Light, and he has helped open my Heart. I wish I had seen him that one more time here in this dimension, yet I have sense that it's OK with him.

And for me, the gift in all of this is to remember that the creative vibration of Divine Shakti is Everything, even the song of life and death.

And to cross the street whenever necessary to hug a friend.