Days Six and Seven

As much as I imagined an inner journey like this would be a delight, I'm also finding it to takes some patience, to not let the bowstring fly just yet. This, in spite of the fact that it would be a wild shot. Deep in my concept of how-I'm-supposed-to do-life is the message "Don't just sit there - do something!" I am indebted to my Buddhist friends who share a welcome alternate perspective "Don't just do something - sit there!" Which I take to mean - practice, go in first. From there my aim will be steady and strong. [To hear an inspiring discussion on this subject, check this out: http://kpfa.org/archives/index.php?arch=23547]

So here I am. Sinking deeply into these uncharted invisible waters. My early education offered no maps, no initiation into this inner world. A least I have few preconceptions - and so less programming and habit to transform.

Yesterday's practice was kirtan with Jai Uttal in Berkeley. Before I left, I felt tired and somewhat reluctant to go out again - I'm not a big go out at night person, especially this time of year. Yet, I could feel a longing in my bones for mutuality - that sense of being with others who also care about what I care about. That - and Tina's offer to drive- got me out the door. And, yes, just being in a room with 100+ (200?) others who have come out on a chilly late November night to sing the names of the Divine over and over (japa) - oh, that alone just connects my dots!

As soon as I heard Jai Uttal start singing, I began to sway from deep in my core, and I saw the pattern of colors of this energy - like a very fine batik design, that I could actually read, if I understood the language.... And as I sang, I just flowed along, not ecstatic, just quiet, and amused really, at how the waves of our music flowed in the rhythm of lovers. My physical body was tired the whole time, yet I knew I was getting into that invisible river on which my physical body depends.

I got home around 11:00 p.m., and went right to bed committed to staying there as long as I needed to.

Woke up at 6:00 a.m. :)

And felt ready for yoga class at 9:00 a.m. Practice felt good. It's interesting how the little aches and pains move around in the physical body. I think I remember a time when I felt completely free of such things, but at 46, I'm having fewer (if any?) days like that. I find that showing up for practice is helpful not matter what, and WAY better than doing nothing. I dedicated my practice to connection with life, and had a good time. We did several arm balances which seemed pretty effortless, actually. I've been working with remembering to allow my pelvic core and heart to connect like magnets (my upper palate, too, though that one isn't as clear --yet;), and I think that's making a difference.

I'm becoming increasing aware of the landscape of my energy body - as a circuit flowing both "up" and "down" - a circle/zero/infinity/spiral - could it be like this ?




I notice that sometimes there's a drop and I need to breathe/bring it "up" and sometimes it flies out the top of my head and I need to breathe/bring it "down." And back around, and around again.

Japa.