School resumed today after a week off for Thanksgiving break. I woke up feeling off, with a headache (sinus? the shot of Jack Daniels I put in my sipping chocolate last night?...) Yet I really wanted to get myself together (and I did) because - dare I say it?- I like to go to work.
One of the things I really love about my job teaching middle school Spanish is that, although it's my primary source of income, it doesn't stand out as this thing I have to do, before I can get to the good stuff. I hesitate to admit this, but it seems to me that it's all good stuff. Even the hard parts. I resist saying so, because it sounds so, well, Pollyanna. Immersed as a child in the vapors of the good old fashioned New England work ethic, I assumed that work would equal suffering. No more. (Thanks, Dad, for bringing us to California ;) I still glance around every now and then and marvel at how much fun I'm having.
I didn't used to have so much fun teaching. When I saw myself in the role of "teacher" as the authority, boy did I feel alot of pressure to get it right. All the time. And to be in charge. So I could cram all that info down people's throats. I've heard teachers of mine say they would like to apologize to their students for the early days, and I think I've come to know what they mean. Geez, all that martyred sort of perfectionistic effort - so pinched and disconnected.
These days I try not do anything that I don't feel joy about doing. Really. And for those things that seem like "have to's" - well I take a deeper look and remember why I'm doing it - what needs of mine am I meeting? In the case of my school teaching job, those needs are challenge, contribution, connection, competence, learning, food/shelter, even order (I like routine). Then they magically become "get to's." (I love magic....)
One "have-to" I have not yet mastered is taking our dog Theo out to pee at night before bed. It's especially tough if I've drifted off to sleep on the couch. Let's see...taking him ourside meets my need for caring about Theo, and fairness (it's my job only two nights a week), and when I think of all my needs that are met by him - affection, loyalty, companionship, safety, play. Yeah, it is a joy to have him in my life, and knowing that does make it a little easier to "get to" take him out on these cold nights. Not magic, though - yet.
These things I've learned from my teachers/guides. Through yoga (asana, meditation, chant, breath practice), NVC, tarot, astrology, metaphysics, and magic, one of the big big things that I have learned/remembered from my teachers/guides is this: I am the teacher/knower. Connection within leads to connection without. The teacher is out "there," yes - and we are ONE. What all of these people have done is is to support me in remembering that.
When I contemplate this I feel such deep gratitude. And motivation for when I am graced to be in the seat of the teacher, that I may always do nothing more than offer this kind of support to others.
So, today my practice is to thank my teachers. All these people have shown up in a big way, many time and again ( and to this day), with something to really light a spark in me and show me how to connect more deeply with life: Lauren Davis, Ulrika Engman, John Friend, Abby Tucker, Sianna Sherman, Jim Bernhart, Paul Muller-Ortega, Carlos Pomeda, Chris Wallis, Douglas Brooks, Dave Stringer, Maja Bengston, Marshall Rosenberg, Paul Bogle, Alexandra Robin, Elana O'Loskey, Ramses (sorry, Rams - I know you would not call yourself a "teacher"...). And so many friends and allies, my "students" chief among them.
And tonight, I'll meditate on the mantra Om namah shivaya gurave - greetings to the teacher within and without.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment