Day One - On Jackals and Altared States (or the state of my altar...)

Day One practice was straightforward, as I often go to yoga class on Sunday these days. It was interesting becuase our teacher commented on two things - first that akasha in Sanskrit means space, and that there are different finds of akasha, which resonated for me re. what I was exploring yesterday about zero. And today's theme was about karma yoga - or yoga of action. Like this 27 day practice that I'm walking through. So it was pretty easy to remember to dedicate my practice today.

The connection itself has not been so easy as (1) my body felt heavy and sore and (2) my jackals were "up" about really doing this 27 day practice and especially about starting a blog about it. Their core message seemed to be "you don't know what you're doing, and no one really cares anyway." Isn't that fun? And so I am reminded that connection is not all roses and sunshine, blessings and light, angels and new age music (as much as I love that stuff...) Sometimes we just have to bow down to all of it...

These jackals, as I lovingly refer to them using the term from Nonviolent Communication (NVC), are saying something important - that I can listen to, and -yes- deepen my connection. I think they want to protect me from harm. They want me to minimize any risk of delusion ("don't think you know something!" and also exposure to criticism ("and don't tell anyone even if you do!").

Now, I can appreciate their loving concern ;) The issue I have with their "suggestions" is that the level of detachment and emotional safety that they would like me to have would keep me from being authentic, having fun, exploring what life is all about, as well as sharing all of this in community, plus receiving support, appreciation, and plain old being seen and heard. A bargain I'm no longer willing to make.

Besides, as Marshall Rosenberg (founder of NVC) points out, I will be a whole lot happier if I never again let anyone tell me who I am. Or something like that.

So I thank my jackals, for reminding me to keep an eye out for any mindf*&$ I might create or be exposed to, and also to remember who I am. You can relax, now, guys, I think I got the message, and no, I won't be abandoning this intriguing super fun why not 27 day practice.

Oh and as for the heavy sore body, I think I'm just still adjusting to being in it. I thought about doing no physical activity today, but my instinct was that would not have helped. Instead, I've been gentle with myself both in yoga class, and also on a lovely hike with friends. I am opening up to feeling my energy and I want to move with it.

Karma yoga - take the action and do so consciously. Stopping, leaving, hiding...some of my (increasing formerly) favorite strategies...none of these are as effective.

And so on to my altar. The altar is this physical place where I can place physical things/symbols - and it is an energy place, too, depending on my level of consciousness about what I'm doing. To create an altar, I must decide what matters and make space for it. It's another practice that helps me be clear.

My altar had become a bit cluttered (can anyone say "me-ta-phor"...?) And, I had not cleared it yesterday as planned, so I did it this afternoon. Took everything off. Decided what I wanted there. The Nataraj, a peacock feather, my tarot cards, the oghams my daughter made for me, the Radhe bead necklace, a stone that says "Joy" it. And the one that says "Peace" - where is that one? Couldn't find it. Can't find Peace - good one... I'm just smiling about that, amused. It will come, I trust. OK , and underneath, the Irish ceramic pig from my paternal grandparents, oh - and that bracelet my maternal great aunt gave me - gifts from my ancestors.

Finding these things, and putting away others, took an hour or two. I combed through all my "special" stuff, happy it is Sunday, and so to have a little time.

And now as the sun is setting on this misty November day, I feel a little less heavy, a lot less sore, and much more clear.