Day Ten

Got in touch with my "inner Santa" yesterday. Creativity, even - figures out how to make put together the giraffe in the Santa hat and all that.

Felt crabby and tired today. Needing...? Geez, there's that blank spot again....

Listened to the first part if an NVC conversation about depression. Still working on transforming my understanding of this and other subjects popular in the 1980's recovery movement - to which I'm grateful for supporting me in my beginning opening toward wholeness.

Made myself go to yoga class, Glad I did. It was beautiful and peaceful - met my needs for beauty and peace, exercise, rest, integrity, connection. I'm continuing to work with aligning my energy centers. Letting go of relentless precision. My body and I like this.

At the same time, I'm feeling a fierceness unfolding in me. Protective. As if I matter. And while I still want to connect with others, I'm "feeling" less, well, responsible. And less willing to be nice, less worried about not being so.

Hmm.

What I'm coming to understand from this experience is that observations, feelings and needs, are "located" in my body - from upper to lower chakras? Transforming my view/thinking/attitude is an upper chakra thing, my feelings are in my heart, and my needs, way deep at the core of my pelvis. I don't know if anyone has linked these this way -yet- but that's my experience. And it's all right here to be explored. Fascinating.

The flatness/numbness of feeling depressed and/or blank spots about needs that are so common, (for me and others in our culture, I think) are NOT nothing. I can go into the flatness, numbness, blankness through feeling it in my body. That's what I'm playing with now. Uncharted territory.